You are the only light i possibly have known, the only sparkling night I could ever own. The shadows on your neck, the way you speak lightly under your breath. I was so lost but now I see, I am beautiful. Can’t you see? focus clearly, delicately. You are my one, my only. My special ballad written just to me.

Four in the A.M’s will conquer me, and suddenly the dark sad cloud will cover me. 

I’m singing a new tune, and a dark undertone. 

Quite dumbfounded and cornered. On one hand I am happy, with the one I love at my side, hours and minutes of the days and the nights. Steadily working a small job, for a small amount of dough, for small needs. Creature comforts and bad habits. Addictions and restriction diets. 

Forcing myself to believe I am just making mirages and illusions in my semi conscious mind, and that things are not actually fading. Whether I am to blame, or he. 

Tomorrow, with that said, I was asked to take him to speak with a navy recruiter. And through the past week, the disgruntled moans and growls of his father haunt my dreams, both tense, awake, alive, or in slumber: ” You don’t want to go to boot camp in the winter son, best get signed up and shipped out soon. ”  ” How comes the recruiting? Talked with him yet? God Damn son, you are facing a Grand Larceny of $10,000, you best put a fire under that ass and get this shit taken care of. “

and yet, I sit, smoldering my inner flames. Biting my lips, tearing skin from them as I do. Anything not to explode in a rampage of words and fists. 

You don’t treat your own child in such a way. Forcing him to dig from sunrise to sunset, four feet down, half a mile long. You. Are. Killing. Him. 

How does one expect so much from a baby boy who suffers from FAS. Who has Tremors. Who is tiny. 

I want to strangle you. All my hard work, invested in helping him, help himself. And you are doing critical and collateral damage to the poor guy.